


Noodles

by Shivering



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 19:22:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13347858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shivering/pseuds/Shivering
Summary: This will be a multi chapter fic that’s basically just my little musings of what I think could possibly happen after TLJ.  I hope you enjoy it!Disclaimer: I don’t own Star Wars or Disney or really anything for that matter (except I do have this one pair of jeans that I own and I really enjoy wearing them).





	1. Chapter 1

Kylo couldn’t remember ever being more miserable, which was impressive because he couldn’t exactly remember ever being happy. The last few weeks had been some of the most painful of his life. Ever since that scavenger found the map to Luke Skywalker, his life had been turned upside down over and over. In a few short hours he killed his master and had his heart ripped apart. He felt as though he was completely empty and yet full of pain at the same time. Snoke had been in his head for so long he didn’t know what to do now that he was gone. Sometimes he still heard his old master’s voice, and had to convince himself that it was just memories and not the real thing. On top of that he still felt torn apart to his very soul about killing his father. To make it worse, instead of being praised by Snoke for this action, he was ridiculed. And then there was Rey. 

He had never felt closer to anyone in his entire life and wished only that she understood who he was. He worried for her safety while she was with his uncle. He remembered how he had been treated while under the man’s care. But then she had shown up on the Supremacy and forced his hand. He couldn’t stand to see her being tortured by Snoke, and knew in that moment what he had to do. After their fight with the Praetorian guards, he felt free. He had never felt that way in his entire life and he wanted to share that feeling with Rey. That freedom soon gave way to hurt though when she refused him. When he came to after his grandfather’s lightsaber was ripped apart, his hurt turned to anger when he realized she had left him. In the weeks following Crait, his anger ebbed back into loneliness and hurt. He spent his days training and meeting with his military advisors. He did anything to keep himself busy so as not to focus on the storm inside his head. 

No matter how hard he tried, he did find himself alone with his thoughts from time to time. Now was just such as occasion. He couldn’t quit thinking of her. He had never wanted anything more than for Rey to take his hand and join him. Instead she had left him. Alone. To make matters worse the Force hadn’t connected them since she shut the door to his father’s ship on Crait. It wasn’t the first time he wondered if their bond no longer existed. He knew deep down that it was still there and simultaneously awaited and dreaded the day it came back to life. 

Lost in thought, he almost didn’t notice when his surroundings quieted and he felt a familiar pull. He couldn’t believe it. There she was standing right in front of him. She looked much the same as the last time he saw her, but he noticed the cut on her arm and the bruise above her eye had healed. He didn’t know how he would react when he saw her again. Sometimes when he thought of her he was filled with hurt and anger. Other times he was filled with despair and loneliness. Now that he finally saw her though, he found that he was filled with relief. She looked safe and healthy and he never wanted to take his eyes off of her. When her eyes connected with his, he saw surprise flit across her face before it settled into a frown much the same as the last time she looked at him. He took a step towards her and she turned away from him and stormed off. 

“No!” He called out, but she disappeared. 

His loneliness came crashing back on him like a tidal wave as he slumped against the wall next to him. 

————

Of course he had to show up right then. Rey fumed as she stomped away. The Force hadn’t connected them in weeks and finally decided the right time to do it was when she was surrounded by people. They had been standing around discussing this and that and, as usual, Rey started drifting out of the conversation and contributing less and less. She found that she often did that mainly because she still wasn’t used to being around so many people. Not only did she feel like she was always around people, but all those people knew who she was and wanted to talk with her. It was completely foreign to her and she didn’t enjoy it. Even with all the attention, she still managed to end up feeling isolated and alone even when she was surrounded. That was how she felt when she noticed their bond connect them and saw him out of the corner of her eye. She did everything she could to ignore him, and focused her attention back on the conversation at hand. Maybe if she refused to acknowledge him she could pretend for a little bit longer that nothing had happened between them. 

She finally gave in and looked his way because she could feel his eyes boring into her. She had meant to shoot him a dirty look, but his appearance caught her off guard. He looked like he hadn’t slept once in the weeks since she last saw him. Dark circles were under his eyes, and his whole body radiated exhaustion. A pang of worry shot through her. She finally composed her face and decided she wouldn’t be able to hide her worry for long. To keep her emotions from showing through to him she turned away and stomped off. 

Her emotions were rolling through her head and she had a hard time separating them from one another. One part of her was glad to see him, while the other was worried by how unhealthy he looked. Then she would feel that pang of hurt in her heart she had felt when he tried to get her to stay on the Supremacy with him and abandon her friends. This was then followed by anger that they had been connected right as all the heartbreak from their previous encounter had started to slowly hurt less. 

“Rey? Rey!” Finn was calling after her, and it didn’t take long for him to catch up to her. “Rey, what’s wrong? You just kind of stormed off back there.”

“What? Oh, um, nothing,” she lied. 

“Are you sure? You look a little upset.” Worry was etched across his face, and she hated lying to him. 

“Yeah, Finn, I’m fine.” She smiled to reassure him and said, “I guess I’m just not used to being around people all the time yet. It’s a little overwhelming.”

“Oh, ok.” He looked a little confused. “Well, if I can do anything to help let me know, ok?” 

“I will,” she grinned and scrunched her nose at him. “Thanks, Finn.”

“No, problem.” He smiled back as he clapped his hand on her shoulder before turning around and heading back to the group. 

The smile faded from her face as she continued on her way. She was lying to everyone. No one knew she had a connection to Ben. No one knew she had gone to him on the Supremacy. No one knew she had even been on board the ship. After Crait, she told everyone that she and Chewy had come straight from Ach To. Thankfully Chewy had kept their detour a secret. Even he didn’t know about the bond though. A few days after Crait, once the Resistance found a new planet to set up their operations on, reports came in that Snoke was dead and Kylo Ren was the new Supreme Leader. There were even rumors that Rey had killed him. Luckily, she could truthfully deny those claims. When she was telling her version of the events that took place, she got a feeling that Leia knew she was hiding something. The General never pressed the matter though.

That night she laid curled up in her bed unable to sleep. She couldn’t get him off of her mind. Seeing him again had brought up everything she had been trying to hide for the past few weeks. She wondered if the Force would start connecting them more often now and couldn’t quite decide if that would be a good thing or not. As if on cue, she felt that familiar pull that always came before he appeared before her. She scrunched her eyes closed so that maybe he would think she was asleep and leave her alone. Her breath hitched as she heard his footsteps come towards her bed and stop right next to her. Then she nearly jumped out of her skin as she felt his hand lightly brush her hair out of her face and tuck it behind her ear. He then gently caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers before he stepped away from her. Her skin felt tingly where he touched her as if she had been shocked by an exposed wire, and she instantly missed the presence of his hand when he pulled it away from her. She rolled over to look at him, but he had already disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? Basically this is just an intro chapter that shows a few weeks have passed since the events of The Last Jedi. Oh, and that Rey and Ben are both hot messes right now who are definitely stuck in a glass cage of emotion.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thanks to everyone who has read so far and for the Kudos! I was planning on posting a chapter per week, but I was so surprised that people actually read this that I decided to write some more today instead of waiting. Thank you again and I hope you continue to enjoy this!

Rey woke up slowly the next morning. She had already had problems getting to sleep, and then after Ben’s nighttime Force visit it was almost impossible to calm her mind enough to drift off. When she did eventually get some sleep, it was filled with a dream she thought she might have had before. As she woke up though, the details slipped away, and all she could remember was that she had dreamt as she slept.

She shared a room with Rose who was still fast asleep. They had been introduced by Finn once Rose had recovered from her injuries on Crait and became fast friends. They could talk endlessly about the inner workings of anything mechanical, and Rey often found herself helping Rose out with repairs and maintenance on the base. 

Even though she didn’t get much sleep, she still couldn’t shake her habit of rising just before the Sun did. That habit had been engrained upon her during her time on Jakku. Mornings were slightly cooler on the desert planet and so it made traversing to her scavenging spots much easier. Rising early also had a few perks here on the Resistance base as well. At this time of the morning, not many other people were awake so she could walk a littler freer though the base and slip off into the woods to find a spot for her morning meditation. She found that she often felt claustrophobic in the presence of so many people, and getting away from it all without being noticed help to alleviate this.

After she pulled her hair out of her face and put on her boots, she grabbed her bag and stuffed the two pieces of her lightsaber in it along with some food, slung her staff over her shoulder, and quietly exited the room. She walked easily through the deserted halls and breathed in the fresh air as she exited the building. She headed for the trees just a little ways from the base and followed a trail only she could see to one of her favorite meditation spots.

It was at the top of a hill just on the edge of a clearing. The side of the hill that was in the clearing had been eroded away by one thing or another and so there was sharp drop off of about 10 feet at the top. Rey liked to sit on the edge and dangle her feet off of it as she ate her breakfast that she brought with her. Most of the hill was covered in tufts of grass and moss, but the eroded section of the hill was nothing but exposed red clay that would stain Rey’s clothes if she wasn’t careful. 

As she ate, she watched the sun rise above the horizon and looked around and took in her surroundings. It was a quiet morning and there was a slight breeze dancing through the trees. She enjoyed the sensation of the breeze on her face for a moment, and then crossed her legs, closed her eyes, and reached out in the Force just like Luke had taught her. After doing a scan of her surroundings, she brought her attention back to herself and tried to quiet her mind. She always had problems with this part, but she could tell she was getting better. This morning her mind kept straying to the lightsaber pieces in her bag. She didn’t know why she always carried them with her. It’s not like they were doing her any good, and she certainly didn’t know how to even begin fixing it. Somehow though it felt wrong to leave the pieces unattended or stashed away in her room, so she carried them with her where ever she went.

Once the sun had risen completely she concluded her meditation and picked up her staff. She practiced a few forms with it as usual and then headed back to the base. Mornings usually went like this for Rey. Sometimes she would spar with Finn for a little bit once she got back to the base, but that was starting to get a little boring. Finn was a good fighter and a worthy opponent, but Rey found that each day they sparred it was easier and easier to beat him. She knew it was because of the Force. She was much more in tune with it now more than ever, and every day it became more and more natural for her to feel it and use it. Finn was a good sport about it though and never turned her down when she asked him to practice with her. He was a good friend especially since no one else would volunteer to go against her. 

Sometimes her mornings or afternoons were filled with meetings with the Resistance leaders. She hated going to those meetings and never contributed. She always tried to sit in the back of the room, but someone always ushered her up towards the front usually next to Poe who was taking on more and more of a leadership position with each meeting. Rey didn’t know why they insisted on her being there. She didn’t know anything about strategy or war. At those meetings it seemed like she was more of a figure head or mascot for the Resistance instead of a member of the team. It irritated her and she always left the room in a hurry. Mostly to calm herself down again, but also so she didn’t get caught in any small talk. 

When she wasn’t in a meeting or doing some form of training Rey would either go and find Rose and help her with whatever she was working on, or she would find Chewy and help him work on the Falcon. She liked working with her hands and fixing things. It made her feel like she was actually contributing. Every once in a while she would try to look through the Jedi text she had taken from Ach-to. She never looked at them for long though because they were so incredibly dull.

As she made her way back to the base her mind was still buzzing with thoughts of her lightsaber and the Force’s rekindled obsession with connecting her and Ben. She decided today was definitely not a day for meetings or trying to read the Jedi texts. She needed to keep her mind busy so she could quit worrying. She made her way around searching for Finn, or Rose, or Chewy but couldn’t seem to find any of them. It seemed like she would have to occupy herself for the time being and decided to head to the hanger. Surely there was ship there that needed her attention. 

Once she made her way to the hanger she found one of the technicians and asked if there was anything she could work on. He pointed her towards one of the X-wings at the back and she made her way over to it. She opened up one of the panels on the side and started to work. 

She didn’t know how long she spent working on the inner wiring, but she found that the familiarity of it did help to settle her mind. She was almost finished when she felt a small disturbance behind her. Almost as if something was pulling her. Rey turned around and almost yelled in surprise at the sight of Ben standing there with his hands clasped behind his back. 

She had barely felt the Force connect them. The first few times the Force had connected them it was extremely noticeable. All of her other senses dulled and his voice seemed muffled and echoed slightly as though he was talking to her from far away. The last few times he seemed much more present like he was really there in front of her. She dreaded the day the Force connected them and she didn’t even feel it.

His shoulders were drawn back and he was wearing his usual black ensemble. He didn’t look quite as exhausted as he did the day before, but he still didn’t look as though he had been sleeping well. He raised an eyebrow at her and she huffed in annoyance.

“Are you just going to stand there and stare at me, or do you have something to say?” she snapped at him.

“I could ask you the same thing.” His voice was quiet and calm.

Rey rolled her eyes and turned back to the X-wing.

“What are you doing?”

“I”m working on a ship.”

It was his turn to huff in annoyance before replying. 

“You’re wasting your time.”

Anger flared up in Rey at his remark and she rounded on him. “Excuse you, I’ll have you know that I’m the best mechanic here and I can fix anything you kriffing son of a-“

“You misunderstand me,” he interjected before she could finish her expletive. “I have no doubts about your mechanical abilities. I simply meant that you should be focusing your efforts on other pursuits. It’s a waste that someone with your abilities should be stuck fixing Resistance ships.”

“I’m not stuck fixing ships. I’m doing this because I chose to. Besides there’s no one to hone my other abilities with right now anyway. Finn’s busy and no one else wants to fight against me.”

Ben’s eyes narrowed when she mentioned Finn, and irritation flashed through her at his obvious jealously.

“If you had stayed with me I would train with you anytime you wanted.”

Her shoulders dropped and she felt that wave of sadness and heartbreak overtake her again. 

“You know I couldn’t stay there with you.”

“Of course,” he spat, shoulders tensing. “How could I be so stupid as to think that you would choose me over your precious Resistance.”

Rey felt her anger coming back. “I didn’t chose the Resistance over you. My friends were being shot out of the the sky. I had to do something. You could have come with me.”

“How stupidly naive of you,” he hissed. “Do you really think the Resistance would welcome me with open arms? I am Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, the apprentice of Supreme Leader Snoke. I’ve killed and tortured people they all know. If I showed up in front of them, even with you, they would be calling for my head.”

Rey’s blood was boiling with anger now. She opened her mouth to retort, but he was yelling now.

“I OFFERED YOU EVERYTHING. I OFFERED YOU THE ENTIRE GALAXY, BUT IT WASN’T ENOUGH FOR YOU WAS IT, REY?” He was seething, hurt and anger contorting his face, leaning towards her.

Rey could feel her eyebrows drawn together and a snarl forming on her lips. “I DON’T WANT THE ENTIRE GALAXY, BEN!”

“THEN WHAT IS IT YOU WANT?” 

Rey froze and her anger suddenly disappeared. “I...,” she started and then stopped not taking her eyes off of his. 

What did she want? No one had ever asked her that before, and so she had never thought about it. Up until she had escaped Starkiller Base on the Falcon, her entire existence had been about survival. Now that it wasn’t her driving force behind her actions, she found she didn’t really know what it was that she wanted. Maybe that’s why she had felt so empty lately.

“I don’t know,” she finished quietly and looked at the ground.

“That’s something you should probably figure out.” 

He wasn’t yelling anymore, but she could still hear a hint of anger in his voice.

“If you’re not careful, the Resistance will take full advantage of you. If you don’t draw your boundaries soon, before you know it all you will be is a pawn to them. A weapon and nothing more.”

Her eyes shot up to look at him. His eyes were focused intently on her, and she had to tilt her chin up to look him in the eye.

“Rey?” She jerked her head towards the sound of her name. It was Rose calling her, but she wasn’t in view yet. Rey turned to look back at Ben, but he had disappeared. 

“Yeah?” Rey called back as Rose walked around the corner.

“Who are you yelling at?” Rose looked confused and a little worried.

“No one,” Rey lied. “I was just working on this X-wing and accidentally shocked myself.”

She was known to curse and occasionally yell as she worked on machinery so it shouldn’t be hard for Rose to believe her excuse. 

“Oh,...ok.” 

She didn’t sound convinced, so Rey turned back towards the X-wing and started working again. 

“Rey?”

“Hm?”

“Um, are you ok?” Rose asked quietly.

Rey paused and forced her voice to sound cheerful. 

“Of course I’m ok.” She turned and shot Rose a grin. 

“Are you sure?” she asked uncertainly. “I mean, it’s ok if you’re not. You’ve been through a lot lately and you’ve had a lot of adjusting to do. I’m not trying to pry or anything. It’s just that Finn and I are worried about you. You’re getting more and more distant from everyone, and I just want you to know that I’m here for you if you want to talk.”

Rey dropped her arms in resignation. She was so grateful to finally have friends. Friends who worried about her at that. Especially considering they had been through so much as well. Rose had lost her sister and had almost been executed after sneaking onto the Supremacy, and Finn was a defected storm trooper who had nearly been killed on multiple occasions. She didn’t know how much longer she could keep her secrets from everyone, especially them. It was eating her alive keeping it all to herself. It was sure to get worse now that the Force seemed hell bent on reconnecting her and Ben. It had happened three times in as little as 24 hours. 

“Rose, can you keep a secret?”

“Of course, Rey,” she said said stepping towards her.

“I mean it,” Rey warned. “This is big and you can’t tell anyone, not even Finn.”

She decided she wouldn’t tell Finn yet. Since his back had been sliced open by Ben, he probably wouldn’t take the news very well. She needed to make sure Rose understood first. If she had Rose on her side, it would make it easier for Finn to understand.

Rose looked confused but she replied, “I won’t tell anyone. You can talk to me.”

Rey breathed a sigh of relief.

“Ok, but I can’t tell you here. Let me finish this up, and I’ll meet you in our room.”

Rose nodded and slowly turned and walked away. Rey hoped she wasn’t making a mistake as she finished up her repair and headed to their room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the end of TLJ, the Force decided to leave these two alone for a little while since they were so heartbroken. It thought it was probably a good idea to let their feelings of hurt mellow a little bit, but now its like OK break time over it’s time to talk about your feelings.
> 
> Fun fact of the day: Rey’s meditation spot is based on one of my favorite places to go as a kid. It was a spot back in the woods behind our house. My brother and I would go and play back there for hours. My mom would get super pissed at us though because we would always come back with our clothes stained by the red dirt. We called it the Sand Ditch and it was awesome.
> 
> You might also notice that when I write from Rey’s point of view she calls him Ben (because that’s what she started calling him in TLJ), and then when I write from Ben/Kylo’s point of view he calls himself Kylo (because he’s still trying to convince himself that he’s a Bad Boy).
> 
> Also, I tried some foreshadowing in this chapter. We’ll see how that works out.


	3. Chapter 3

Rey was pacing back and forth in their room while Rose sat on her bed staring at Rey with her eyebrows in danger of disappearing into her hairline. Rey had no idea where to even begin trying to explain what was going on with her. Thankfully, Rose sat patiently and didn’t try to rush her. She knew she had to tell Rose what was going on after making such a scene in the hanger, but even though she had made up her mind she was still overwhelmed by how to start so that she didn’t sound crazy. Frustration started to cloud her mind and she finally halted her pacing. She stomped her foot, threw her head back with her eyes closed, and covered her face with her hands.

“I’m sorry, Rose,” she grumbled into her hands, “I just...ugh!”

“Take your time,” Rose said, “and maybe take a deep breath. You look a little deranged. No offense.”

Rey glanced at Rose with a look of defeat. 

“Ok, I’ll just come out and say it.” She took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling. “Be-.. uh, Kylo Ren and I are...well...we’re um,” she gulped, “we’re connected,” she looked down at Rose whose eyebrows had completely disappeared at this point. “...through the Force,” she finished lamely. 

Rose’s jaw was now slightly ajar and it took a moment for her to compose herself.

“Um....what?”

Rey looked at Rose sheepishly and said, “It’s kind of hard to explain, but we just appear in front of each other,” she said waving her arms in front of her. “We can’t see each other’s surroundings though. Just each other.”

Rose looked at Rey as if she had grown a second head.

“When did this start happening?” she finally managed to ask.

“On Ach-to.” Rey was looking at the ground again. “It hasn’t happened for a while though, not sense Crait, but it started happening again yesterday.”

“How many times has it happened since then?”

Rey covered her face with her hands again before answering.

“Three times.”

“Three times?!” Rose was on her feet now. “So you could just be walking around and then all of a sudden Kylo Ren is standing next to you? How have you kept anyone from finding this out?”

Rose looked very understandably panicked.

“No one else can see us on the other side of the bond,” she blurted out. “Unless we’re touching...I think.”

“Touching?” Rose looked very confused now. “Wait,” she took a half step back from Rey. “How do you know that?”

“We didn’t touch a lot or anything!” Rey was starting to regret this. “Just our hands.”

“You held hands with Kylo Ren?” Rose deadpanned.

“No, it was more like we... touched hands,” Rey said shrugging.

“Why?”

“I...its hard to explain.” 

Rey let out a frustrated breath. She definitely regretted this.

They stood there for a few moments in awkward silence before Rose continued.

“What do you two do when the force connects you?”

It was Rey’s turn to sit down and she made her way over to her bed.

“We mostly just talk. I tried to shoot him the first time though. It just went through him and blasted a hole in the wall of my hut.” 

She had to keep a smile from pulling at her lips as she remembered how upset the Caretakers were at her for that.

“You need to figure out how to keep this from happening. This is bad.”

Rey looked up at Rose who had a very serious look on her face. She stood up from her bed and took a step towards Rose.

“No, its not like that. He’s... he’s not all bad.”

This wasn’t really going the way she planned, but at least Rose didn’t seem like she hated her. 

“Rey,” Rose’s voice sounded pleading, “he’s the Supreme Leader of the First Order.”

“I know but, just trust me ok?” It was Rey’s turn to sound pleading. “He can still turn.”

“Listen, this could be really dangerous and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Tears were starting to form at the corner of Rose’s eyes and Rey had no idea what to do with that.

“I know,” she was looking at the floor again, “but please don’t tell anyone, ok?” 

“I won’t tell anyone I promise, but please, please be careful, Rey.”

Rey nodded.

“Just remember that you can tell me anything, alright?”

Rey looked up at Rose and was glad to see that the tears were gone. She nodded again, and Rose stepped towards her to give her a hug and a small smile.

“Well, at least now I know what’s been bugging you so much,” she laughed. 

Rey smiled. She was definitely glad that she had told Rose. All in all she took the news much better than Rey could have expected. They were still friends and Rose didn’t hate her. She felt a little guilty that she hadn’t told her everything, but this was a good start. She didn’t want to overwhelm her. Just telling her about the bond seemed like almost too much for Rose to believe.

“Hey, let’s go get some lunch,” Rose said interrupting Rey’s thoughts.

Rey agreed and they made their way together to the mess hall. 

After lunch, Rey went back to her and Rose’s room. She was exhausted and hoped that maybe she would be able to rest for a few moments. She laid back on her bunk, but her mind was still racing. After a few minutes she gave up, reached for her bag, and took out the two pieces of her broken lightsaber. She settle on the edge of her bed and stared at them. She didn’t know why she kept looking at them, but she couldn’t think of anything else to do with them. For a second time that day, she felt that all too familiar pull as Ben appeared in front of her. She let out a long breath before looking up at him. She wasn’t too excited about having another screaming match with him so soon. His eyes were fixed on the broken saber in her hands. 

“I’m glad that saber broke,” he said quietly. “It didn’t suit you.”

Rey snorted. Couldn’t he say hello first or something? He just had to jump right into things.

“Of course you are,” she said sarcastically. “If you can’t have your precocious family heirloom, no one can, right? Plus, now that it’s broken I don’t have a weapon.” 

“Why do you always assume the worst when I try to talk to you?”

His eyes were on hers now and she refused to look away from his intense glare. 

“That lightsaber is a legacy all its own. It has great historical significance, especially with my family. You on the other hand, you have no family, no history. Everything about you is because of you. Everything about you is self made. Now that that lightsaber is broken, you can remake it. Then it will be like you. Made by you and no one else. Only then will it finally be worthy of you.”

She blinked not really knowing how to respond. Was he being....nice?

“You should try meditating with it.”

She looked back down at the broken saber in her hands. Meditate with it? Maybe she should have thought of that herself. She looked back up at Ben, but again he was gone. She was starting to get really tired of not being able to control when and how long they were connected. 

Unable to stay still any longer, she decided a walk was in order. Maybe she would go to her meditation spot and try Ben’s suggestion. She made her way quickly out of the base and was almost to the tree line when she heard someone calling her name. She looked around and saw Finn and Poe waving her towards them. Wondering what was going on, she changed course and walked over towards them.

As she got closer, Rey could feel her eyebrows pull together at the concerned looks on their faces.

“What’s going on?” she asked as she approached them. 

BB8, who had been behind Poe, rolled over to Rey so she could give him a pat. 

“We just talked with Rose,” Finn started, “and she told us what’s been going on with you.”

Rey froze as she felt every drop of blood drain from her face. She was completely paralyzed by shock and yet it felt like every nerve in her body was on fire.

“Don’t get mad!” Poe said.

“We made her tell us after she said she spoke with you,” Finn explained, “and frankly, we think you’re putting a bit too much pressure on yourself.”

“What?” she managed to gasped out. 

This didn’t make any sense. How were they taking this so well? She thought Finn would never understand. Maybe she underestimated them.

“Yeah,” Finn said, “I mean, yes, technically you’re the only Jedi now that Luke’s gone, but you gotta give yourself a break.”

She was thoroughly confused now and her face must have reflected that.

“You’re part of a team, Rey!” Poe grinned. “You don’t have to carry the weight of the whole galaxy on your shoulders. So, in order to help you feel less stressed out, we’ve decided to help you with your Jedi training.”

The were both grinning like idiots now. 

It was all starting to make sense though. Rose must have told Finn and Poe that she had talked to Rey to calm their worries, but when pressed for what was bothering her, Rose made up a story about how Rey felt responsible for the fate of the galaxy since she was the only Jedi left. Rey felt a surge of appreciation for Rose. She really was going to keep Rey’s secret for her. 

Although, now that she thought of it, she really was the last Jedi at the moment and all of a sudden she did feel like the weight of the galaxy was on her shoulders. Why had she not thought of that before? She really felt like panicking now.

BB8’s excited beeps brought her back to the moment and she forced herself to quit thinking of her newest worry.

“How exactly are you going to help me train?” Rey asked skeptically.

“Well,” Poe said, “I grew up hearing all the old stories about the Jedi and what they could do before the rise of the Empire. So, we’re going to find out how much of those stories are true by seeing if you can do what the stories said they could.”

“You’re joking, right?” Rey couldn’t believe this. They had to be joking. They weren’t seriously considering trying to train her based off of old myths and legends.

“Absolutely not,” Finn said seriously. “We’re starting right now. Lesson number one is right this way.”

He grabbed her arm and pulled her back over towards the edge of the building with BB8 and Poe following behind them and stopped near one of the corners.

“Here we are!” Finn exclaimed.

“And what is it I’m supposed to do now?”

“Jump,” Poe said simply as if it was the most obvious thing in the word.

“Jump?” Rey cocked an eyebrow at Poe.

“Jump!” Finn said throwing his hands in the air.

“Apparently, the Jedi could use the Force to jump really high,” Poe explained. “So, you’re going to jump on top of the building.”

“Seriously?” 

Rey looked up at the top of the building. It was at least 15 feet tall.

“Yeah!” Finn was getting really excited now. “You used the force to lift all those rocks to help us escape the cave on Crait. Just do the same thing you did there. Except to yourself and not rocks.”

Rey rolled her eyes. This was a bad idea, but what could it hurt?

She took a few steps back and closed her eyes. She could feel the Force swirling around her and she began to run. As she drew closer to the building, she opened her eyes, drew upon the energy circling around her, and propelled herself upwards as she leapt from the ground. Before she knew it, she was soaring through the air and then landed very ungracefully on top of the Resistance base. She lost her balance when she landed and rolled across the roof a ways, but quickly picked herself up.

She couldn’t believe it. She had actually just jumped on top of a building. She ran back to the edge of the roof to look down at Finn and Poe. They were both hollering with glee and she couldn’t help the grin that broke out over here face.

“Did you see that?” she yelled trying hard not to start laughing.

“Hell yeah! That was so awesome!”

“How am I supposed to get back down?”

“Jump!” Poe yelled up at her.

“What?” They were definitely joking now.

“Jump!” Finn and Poe yelled at the same time.

“Just use the Force to catch yourself or something before you hit the ground,” Poe yelled up at her.

“Ok,” she said as she wondered how long it took to heal from two broken legs.

She took a deep breath, jumped over the edge, and landed as gracefully as a cat. Her whole face lit up as she laughed. She couldn’t ever remember having this much fun.

Finn and Poe were cheering again as BB8 rolled around them beeping happily.

“Ok, do it again but this time after you jump onto the roof immediately jump into that tree next to the building,” Poe said pointing out the tree closest to the roof.

“Got it,” Rey said taking a few steps back. She steadied her mind and reached out for the Force again. She was about to start running when a sharp voice interrupted her concentration.

“And just what do you three nerf herders think you’re doing?” 

It was General Organa and she was wearing a look on her face that could only worn by someone who had dealt a better part of her life putting up with idiocy like she was witnessing now.

“Ah, General!” Poe started while Finn and Rey exchanged nervous looks. “We were just helping Rey train.” 

Leia lowered her gaze at him sternly, but Rey noticed a smile pulling at the corners of the Generals mouth.

“You know,” Leia said slyly, “Luke used to train blindfolded.”

“Yeeeess!” Poe cheered as BB8 beeped excitedly. 

“Yes! Rey, from now on when we spar you have to be blind folded,” Finn said as he clapped Rey on the back.

“Leia, how could you?” Rey feigned hurt while trying to keep the smile off of her face.

Leia smirked and shot a wink towards Rey before walking off.

Rey laughed and turned back to her friends.

“Ok,” she said, “who’s ready to see this double jump?”

—————

Kylo stomped through the hallways of the Finalizer. He was in such a foul mood he didn’t even notice as officers and troopers alike basically threw themselves into the wall in order to get out of his way. He had just left a strategy meeting and as usual Hux had tried to undermine his every decision. He really should get rid of the general. Not only would he no longer be bothered by him, but Kylo knew that the man was looking anywhere he could for reason to rid the First Order of Kylo so he could take the title of Supreme Leader for himself. 

As Kylo made his way into his private quarters he finally allowed himself to think about the real reason he was so aggravated. It had been three days. Three days since he’d seen her. Three days since the Force had connected them last. He didn’t know how much longer he could go without seeing her. Would it be weeks again?

He removed his gloves and threw them across the room in frustration. He was just about to leave his quarters and go berate someone, anyone as to why they couldn’t locate where the new Resistance base was when he felt the pull.

He turned around quickly and there she was. She was standing with her back turned to him and she was unraveling her arm wraps. He looked her up and down and noticed that she was covered with bruises and scratches that were definitely not there the last time he had seen her. 

“You know,” she said looking at him over her shoulder, “you could say hello.”

“Who did this to you?” He demanded.

She rolled her eyes as she turned towards him and started unraveling her other other arm wrap. 

“No one did this to me. I’ve just been training really hard.”

He let his eyes dart down to her exposed arms before fixing his gaze on her face. 

“Who’s training you?” 

His stomach curled at the thought of someone else training her. No one else was worthy of her. She was too powerful for anyone in the Resistance to be able to train her anyway. 

“No one really,” she shrugged. “I’m just trying to see what all I can do with the Force, and Finn and I spar everyday.”

“You’re far too skilled a fighter for an ex-storm trooper to leave all these marks on you.”

“Not all of these are from sparring, and it’s a lot easier for anyone to land blows on me since I’m sparring with a blindfold on.”

She had finished taking off her arm wraps and he glanced again at her arms and swallowed hard. 

“You need a teacher.”

“Then teach me,” she said taking a step towards him.

His eyes traveled over her face looking for any signs that she was lying. His heart ached, and he desperately needed her words to be true.

He reached out and slowly hooked his finger around hers. He felt his heart stutter as their skin made contact.

“Come back to me,” he whispered not taking his eyes off of hers.

She sat down and looked up at him.

“You know I won’t join the First Order.”

She sounded sad, as though she really did want to come back to him.

He kneeled in front of her so they were on eye level with one another.

“Why don’t you come to me?” she said sliding her hand into Kylo’s and gripping it tightly.

His heart skipped a beat and he squeezed her hand. It looked so small in his.

“We’ve talked about this, Rey. You know I can’t join the Resistance.”

“Can’t or won’t?” she said with an edge to her tone.

He felt his irritation flare up as her gaze hardened, but he quickly pushed it down. He didn’t want to argue with her anymore. He was tired of fighting.

When he didn’t answer she tried to pull her hand away, but he wouldn’t let her. He put his other hand on top of their already clasped hands to keep her from pulling away from him.

He turned her hand over so it was resting on the palm of one of his. He then started exploring every inch of her hand with the fingers of his other hand, trying to memorize every inch of it. He ran his fingers over every callous, every freckle, every cut. He fought back a smirk as he noticed her pulse quicken as he gently caressed his thumb over the inside of her wrist.

He looked up at her and her eyes were fixed on their hands.

“I need to see you,” he said quietly. “I can’t go on not knowing when or if the Force will connect us.”

She looked up at him and he noticed tears in her eyes. 

“Maybe....maybe we could connect ourselves through the Force, instead of relying on it to do it for us.” Her voice was quiet, as if she was worried that if she spoke too loudly it would break the peace between them.

“What do you mean?”

“What if we picked a time everyday to connect with each other. We could try and reach out to each other. Maybe if we did that at the same time, we would be able to connect.”

It was worth a try. Doing anything was better than sitting around hoping that the Force would connect them. Even better, Rey seemed as though she wanted to see him as much as he wanted to see her.

“What time?”

“Let’s try at this time tomorrow.”

“I’ll be there.”

He held her gaze a little longer before he looked back down at their hands and gently traced his finger down the pulse point on her wrist. He raised his eyes to look at her, but she was gone. His chest constricted as he buried his head in his now empty hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that scene in HP where Harry was running from Dudley and gang and all of a sudden he was up on the school roof? Yeah, that always gave me a giggle.
> 
> I really like to think of Rey as the type of person that’s constantly saying “Hey ya’ll watch this!” Also Leia totally felt a disturbance in the Force just to find out it was those three doing stupid shit.
> 
> I have Kylo and crew back on the Finalizer seeing how the Supremacy was ripped to shreds by Holdo.
> 
> I know that it could be different times where Kylo/Ben and Rey are and their days might not be the same length because space and planets and all that but let’s just pretend like it’s a lot simpler for the sake of this story. 
> 
> P.S. Rose is the best BFF.


	4. Chapter 4

Rey sat in her usual spot in the woods with her legs crossed and eyes closed. It had been two days since she and Ben had agreed to try and connect themselves through the Force. The first day she could almost feel his consciousness but she couldn’t quite connect with it. Maybe she was just imagining things though. 

Tonight wasn’t going much better. She was tired from training and sitting in meetings and she really just wanted to sleep. She could feel herself on the verge of drifting off as a slight breeze tickled her face. He seemed so close, but every time she reached for him, his mind would slip away. She thought about giving up as her mind drifted closer to sleep. Right as she felt herself nodding off she felt a sudden pull.

Rey’s eyes snapped open, and standing right in front of her was Ben. Her entire face lit up in a smile as she quickly stood up and threw her arms around him.

“I can’t believe we actually did it!” She yelled and started laughing. 

She leaned back a little so she could look up at him and froze. Ben’s arms were pinned to his side by Rey’s, and he was standing so still it was like he was made from marble. He looked at her with shock, and she suddenly realized just who it was she was hugging.

Rey quickly let go of him and leapt back to put space between them.

“Sorry,” she could feel her face reddening with embarrassment, “I guess I got a little excited.” 

She tried to look anywhere except at his face and found that his left shoulder was a good place to fix her gaze.

“It’s fine,” he said quietly.

Her eyes darted quickly to his face again at the sound of his tone. He looked almost sad, but that didn’t make any sense. Why in the Force would he be sad? He’d wanted them to try and connect themselves too.

“So,” Rey said trying to break the tension, “what should we do now?”

Ben tilted his head and Rey could have sworn he almost smirked.

“Tell me about the training you’re doing.”

She felt her smile return to her face, and she began telling him of her latest escapades with Finn and Poe.

—————

Rey had a new addition to her daily routine now. Everyday after dinner she would sneak back off to her meditation spot and connect with Ben. Every time she thought that maybe he wouldn’t be there, but he was always there when she reached out to him. She always felt a rush of relief mixed with joy when they connected although she restrained herself from hugging him again. It had seemed to make him uncomfortable, yet Rey had noticed that he touched her hands every time he got a chance. She also noticed that he never wore his gloves. She didn’t mind either of these things. Sometimes he would give her advice on her training, or they would go through different lightsaber and combat forms, and other times they would just sit together. 

This particular day had been especially tiring for Rey. She had spent most of the morning sitting in meetings and tried to work off her pent up energy by training extra hard that afternoon. By the time she snuck off into the woods, she was absolutely exhausted, both mentally and physically. She sat down and closed her eyes as she reached out to connect with Ben. A moment later he was there standing next to her. 

He extended his hand towards her to help her onto her feet, but she patted the ground next her instead. He cocked and eyebrow at her and slowly lowered himself to the ground next to her. Rey was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open. She signed heavily and without thinking she laid her head down on Ben’s shoulder. It was such a normal gesture for her now especially since she was used to it from Finn. She quickly realized what she had done when again she felt him go rigid at her touch. She made to sit back up, but before she could he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her back towards him. Rey hesitated for a second and then scooted closer to him to make herself more comfortable. After a moment he began to run his fingers slowly up and down her arm. His touch was soothing and electrifying all at the same time. This was definitely different from how Rey felt when she would sit with Finn. She decided that Ben made a very comfortable pillow and Rey breathed in deeply as her stomach flipped over in way she had never felt before.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes,” she said quietly, “I’m just very tired today.” 

She reached over and began playing with the hem of his shirt, being very careful not to touch his leg. 

After a few moments Rey sat up a little so she could look at him. When their eyes met, Rey couldn’t seem to think of anything to say to him. He seemed content to simply look at her, but Rey didn’t know how much more of his focus she could take.

“I think I might go to bed early tonight,” she said softly.

Ben continued to hold her gaze and nodded. Rey still couldn’t seem to tear herself away from him. He then reached his other arm towards her and gently tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. She felt a shiver run down her body as she was reminded of the way he had done that same thing while she pretended to sleep. He ran his finger down her jawline and as he reach her chin, his eyes darted quickly to her lips and then back to her eyes. Her chest felt tight, and it was suddenly much harder to breath.

“Good night, Rey,” he whispered and then slowly removed his hand from her face. 

Rey instinctively reached out towards him at the loss of contact, but before she could reach him the bond disconnected. She was left sitting alone and completely at a loss.

Rey found it very hard to focus on anything the next day. It had taken her forever to fall asleep the night before and couldn’t seem to stay asleep despite being exhausted. She also found that her mind kept wandering toward Ben more often than usual. She couldn’t quite get the feeling of his arm around her out of her mind, or the way his eyes had darted momentarily to her lips. If only she could talk to someone about it, maybe then she could clear her head. However, she couldn’t exactly talk to anyone on the Resistance base about the the slight possibility that she could maybe be a little bit attracted to the Supreme Leader of the First Order. There’s no way that conversation would go well.

Her morning meditation went horribly because of her lack of focus, and she gave up halfway through it. The weather didn’t help matters either. The sky was dark and cloudy and the wind was whipping wildly through the trees. Approaching storms made Rey nervous. She was unused to the shift in the atmosphere that came before storms having spent most of her life on a desert planet. She could also feel the planet’s life forces scurrying away and seeking shelter from the impending storm through the Force. Their actions only amplified her own anxiety. 

The rain finally started to fall in heavy sheets later in the afternoon. Rey hoped the storm wouldn’t last long so she could sneak off to the woods to meet Ben for their nightly visit. The weather had other plans though and it only worsened as the afternoon faded into early evening. By now the rain was joined by loud claps of thunder and lightning. There was no way she would be able to sneak into the woods tonight. She wracked her brains for anywhere inside she could go where she could connect with Ben and not be interrupted. She came up empty.

Rey wound through the halls of the base thinking that maybe she could find an empty ship in the hanger to close herself in when she saw Finn turn the corner in front of her.

“Hey! I was just looking for you,” he said as he approached her. “Rose, Poe, and I are about to go watch a holovid. Why don’t you come join us?”

Rey grinned and was about to agree when she remembered that being in a room with Poe, Rose, and Finn when Ben tried to connect with her was probably a worse idea than trying to find an empty cockpit to hide away in. 

“I’d love to, but I’ve got to take care of something.”

She smiled apologetically and made to walk past Finn.

“Come on, Rey, whatever it is, it can wait. Besides, its too stormy for you to go traipsing off in the woods tonight, so come hang out with us.”

He clearly wasn’t going to take no for an answer, and Rey surrendered. 

“I guess you’re right,” she said. “What could taking one night off hurt?”

Finn beamed at her and she followed him to one of the common areas. She made a beeline for the couch and plopped down in the middle of it as Finn fiddled with the holovid. Soon afterwards, Poe joined them followed by BB8. He sauntered over to the couch and slouched down next to Rey. BB8 rolled over in front of them and looked pointedly at the space between them. 

“All right, buddy,” Poe laughed as he lifted BB8 and situated him on the couch between them. 

Rose laughed as she walked in and saw the three of them situated on the couch.

“Awww,” she cooed. "It’s like the momma and daddy and baby. 

Poe shot a wink at Rey, who laughed and gave BB8 a scratch on the head. 

“Well, he clearly gets his good looks from his mother,” Rey said giving Poe a shit-eating grin.

“Ouch,” Poe said clutching his chest in feigned hurt.

“Whoever he takes after, BB8 certainly is cute” Rose said patting him on the head and then sitting next to Rey.

“He’s not cute. He’s a little ball of murder,” Finn mumbled as he sat at the end of the couch next to Rose. 

“And I couldn’t be more proud of my little ball of murder,” Poe said slinging an arm around his droid as it beeped happily at all of the attention. 

The holovid began to play and Rey noticed from the corner of her eye that Finn and Rose were holding hands. A pang shot through her heart and she quickly pushed the image of Ben’s face out of her head and refocussed on the holovid. 

“You can hold my hand if you want,” Poe whispered at Rey trying to keep a straight face.

Rey snorted and clasped a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. She knew Poe was only messing with her. She leaned back into the couch and tried to watch the holovid instead of thinking about Ben, but it wasn’t long before she began to feel his presence pulling at her mind. 

She knew she couldn’t connect with him here, so she threw up her mental barriers. She also knew she shouldn’t ignore him, and he deserved to know why she was blocking him out, but Rey couldn’t think of anyway of doing that without someone finding out about their connection. He would simply have to wait until tomorrow. 

Unfortunately, he didn’t seem to want to wait, and she could feel him pressing up against her mental barriers with earnest. As the holovid went on, she found she had to focus less and less on it and more on keeping Ben from barreling though her barriers and appearing right in the middle of the common room. Another few minutes and her head began to hurt from concentrating so hard. She had to find an empty room…now. An idea sprang into her head, and she got up from the couch.

“I’ll be right back,” she said walking towards the door.

“Do you want us to pause it?” Finn asked sitting up from the couch.

“No, its fine,” she answered hurriedly. “I’ll just be a minute.”

“Are you sure? We don’t mind,” Rose said.

“No, really its fine.”

She was almost out the door now.

“You OK, Rey?” 

It was Poe’s turn to ask about her. She was starting to get annoyed.

“Yeah, you seem a little stressed,” Finn said.

“I’m fine!” Rey said.

She could feel Ben pressing harder against her barriers, and she was afraid he might come tumbling right out of her head and onto the floor of the common room.

“Really, Finn, don’t worry, I’ll be right back.”

As soon as she turned the corner out of the common room doorway and into the hall, Rey went into a full sprint to her and Rose’s room. It would definitely be empty seeing as how the other occupant was currently in the room Rey just left.

Once the door to their room shut, Rey let down her mental barriers with a deep exhale and connected with Ben. He appeared instantly and looked livid. His hair was all askew as if he had been running his hands though it, and his eyes looked wild as they roamed over Rey taking in every inch of her. He stalked towards her and Rey was reminded of a large animal advancing on its prey. As he approached her, he grabbed her arms and focused intently on her face.

Rey was just getting ready to tell him to do something rather unpleasant to himself when he asked, “Are you alright?”

His voice was gravelly and soaked with concern. Taken aback, Rey blinked a few times before answering quietly.

“Yes.”

He visibly relaxed and she could almost feel his tension melting away. She thought he was angry with her for blocking him out. She was completely prepared to defend herself and berate him for being so pushy. She was completely unprepared for his reaction to be concern for her. 

“Where are you? Why didn’t you reach for me? Why did you block me out? I could feel your stress. I thought you were in danger.”

His grip on her arms tightened and his focus became more intense as he berated her with questions. She shrugged his hands off of her and turned her head away, unable to focus on anything while he was that close to her. 

“I’m in my room,” she answered cooly. “I couldn’t get to my normal spot where we meet because the weather is really bad. Plus, I couldn’t connect with you because I was watching a holovid with Finn, Rose, and Poe, and I couldn’t have you materializing in front of them.” 

He seemed a little annoyed by her reason, but she could still feel his relief that she wasn’t hurt. 

“You should have told me. I thought you were in trouble.”

“I didn’t know how to tell you,” Rey snapped at him. “This is all new, remember? I’m sorry I worried you, but now you know. I really have to get back though. I told them I would only be gone a minute, so if I’m not back soon they might come looking for me.”

“Are you ashamed of me?”

“What?” Rey blanched. “No, why would I be ashamed of you?”

Ben had a pained expression on his face and said, “You keep saying you don’t want me around unless no one else is.”

“It’s not like that, Ben,” Rey tried to reassure him. “It’s just that it would be very hard to explain to the Resistance why the Supreme Leader of the First Order is in my bedroom.”

“If you would just come to me, we wouldn’t have to hide this,” he said stepping towards her.

“You know that’s not going to happen,” she said as she felt a sinking feeling in her gut.

She really didn’t want to start arguing with him again. The last few weeks had been so peaceful between them, and she wanted to keep it that way.

“Listen, I really need to get back now. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow I promise,” she said giving him a small smile.

Rey turned to leave, but felt his hand wrap around hers as she stepped towards the door. She looked down at their joined hands then slowly turned and looked up at his face. His eyes were sad as they roamed over her face as if he was still trying to convince himself that she was safe.

Rey exhaled softly and stepped towards him. She slowly looped her arms around his waist and and tucked her head under his chin as she gave him a tight hug. She felt his body stiffen under her arms, but he slowly relaxed and wrapped his arms around her. His body felt warm wrapped around her, and Rey found that she rather liked being engulfed by him like this. She breathed in his scent and relaxed into him.

After a moment she loosened her grip just enough so she could look up at him. He looked at her in turn, and Rey took the opportunity to study his face. Her eyes roamed from his, down his nose, and over every freckle before finally settling on his lips. He carefully raised one of his hands and gently caressed it across Rey’s cheek and along her jawline before tilting her head slightly upwards. 

Her eyes found his again, and her heart nearly leaped out of her chest as he slightly tilted his head toward hers. She found herself wondering what it would feel like to press her lips against his and if he was thinking the same thing. She began to raise up on her toes to find out when suddenly her room was flooded with light as her bedroom door opened.

“REY!”

Rey jerked her head away from Ben and towards her door. It was Finn. Panic and shock flooded his face. He regained his composure quickly and charged across the room at them.

Rey felt Ben tighten his grip around her and pull her closer towards him as though he was trying to pull her across the bond to wherever in the galaxy he actually was. 

Finn dove towards Ben to tackle him away from Rey, but just as he was about to collide into Ben, the bond disconnected and Finn went tumbling onto the floor and crashed into Rey’s bed. Rey stared horror struck at the scene. She could hardly believe what had just happened. 

Finn sat up from the floor and fixed Rey with a look of confusion mixed with panic. 

Just as she was coming up with a way to try and explain the situation and keep Finn from telling everyone what he had seen, Poe and Rose rushed into the room. There was no way she would be able to keep this a secret now. She was completely screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh spaghetti o’s


End file.
